If learning only about sex is as simple as "birds and bees," and if you're like most Americans, your sexual experience focuses on avoiding pregnancy, abstinence, and fear inducing sexually transmitted disease messages. According to experts, while these topics can and should be addressed with respect in sex education, there seems to be little information about actual sex or relationships. Filling in these gaps helps ensure that you and your partner have a healthy, happy and safe sex life. Here are nine things you must know.

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1. Sex is more than sex. It's possible that you've been taught that sex involves penis penetration into the vagina, but there are many more. " Dr. L. Kris Gowen, author of sex determination, said: "while it's important to understand the facts of sexual intercourse and reproduction, it seems to me that it's a mistake to remove it from the sexual relationship." Few sex education programs study the characteristics of healthy relationships, such as trust, honesty, communication and respect, she said. But focusing mainly on sex, abstinence and STDs helps to perpetuate the myth that oral sex is not real sex - which reduces the likelihood of people using condoms, discussing their sexual history and taking other precautions. The shape and size of the genitals vary. Genitals come in all shapes and sizes. Stella Harris, an adult sex educator, wants people to know how diverse they can be. Her class, mapping the vulva, discussed different "normal" manifestations, such as the inner or vaginal lips being larger than the outer ones. "When people don't look like the bodies in porn, they really think they have problems, which leads to self-image problems and unnecessary surgery," she said. This seems to be one of the reasons why cosmetic vaginoplasty (in many cases even necessary) is on the rise. Sex should be pleasant. Happiness is the cornerstone of sex, but it is rarely mentioned in American sex education curriculum. This is a common problem. " Sex educator Stella Harris said: "we ignore that sex is largely about intimacy and pleasure." So when people are unhappy, they don't know to say it out loud, she said. A little knowledge of happiness also sends the message that happiness doesn't matter - or worse, it's taboo, especially for women. This can cause them to miss out on the potential benefits of orgasm, such as pain relief, more regular menstruation, improved mood and better sleep.

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4. Full arousal can reduce pain. In a study published in the Journal of sexual medicine in 2015, 30% of female participants and 7% of men reported pain during vaginal sex, and most did not tell their partners. " Pleasure in sex has to do with arousal, "said Dr. Carol Quine, author and cultural sexologist. But she also said most people don't know how sexual arousal works, especially in women. Before you insert a finger, toy, or penis, make sure the vagina is lubricated with enough foreplay, commercial lubricant, or both to help avoid irritation and increase pleasure. Now listen to how to calm down in 3 minutes. The organ equivalent to the penis is not the vagina. In the discussion of sex, vagina has received a lot of attention, which is natural. But when you say "his" and "her," it's not the vagina that matches the penis, it's the clitoris. Like the penis, the clitoris will grow larger and erect when it wakes up, requiring a lot of stimulation. " "If the clitoris is not stimulated enough, orgasm can be a problem," says cultural sexologist Carol Quinn. The organ contains thousands of nerve endings and usually paves the way to orgasm. The merits of