The anniversary of the loved one is filled with complex emotions and difficult decisions. Whether it's celebration, contemplation or doing nothing, how you choose to commemorate the day is a difficult decision to make. But sadness will come into your mind when you least expect it and hinder your decision-making process as the anniversary approaches. To help you remember the person you lost in a way that respects your personal truth, when you are in a sad process and emotional state, please see the following tips for preparing for the anniversary. These suggestions will guide you through the first year of marking and can continue to guide you in the future.

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1. Allow yourself to do what you think is right. Remember, there is no "right" way to mark this anniversary. "Everyone deals with loss in their own unique way, and the key is to respect the individual approach," said len Saunders, author of buddy and BEA, a book that teaches children about life cycles. Although some people will do something special, such as taking flowers and poems to the cemetery, others may try to live a normal life. "

give yourself a kind of grace, do what you think is appropriate, resist any pressure, and attend the anniversary activities sponsored by your family or friends, which are inconsistent with your current emotional truth. Find an agent for your grief and any other feelings you feel at the moment or cause it so you can take care of them properly.

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2. Making a plan for the anniversary can be as difficult as, or even more difficult than, the actual day. Take a moment to brainstorm what you think is right on this day and the days before that. " For some people, having a very organized day, following their routine, can bring them some comfort. If you're not sure what you need, I suggest you schedule some pre planned activities for the day. If you're not in a good mood, you can eliminate some flexibility. "With a plan, the days won't slip away." Three. The first anniversary of the death of a loved one is a good time to establish a ritual or custom that you can continue to perform in the next few years (if you feel it is appropriate to do so). " "Try to find something that day to celebrate the life of the person you love," Sanders suggests. For example, if someone you love loves walking on the beach, try going to the beach that day and sharing the moment with them through your heart. If they have a favorite book or movie, they can also experience it. Of course, your respect for this special person will change with the passage of time. Credit: Twenty20. COM / @ vital

4. Make time for self-care

encourage yourself to do anything that makes you happy and satisfied, whether it means going to yoga, booking a spa day or going on a beautiful hike. " Take time for self-care, such as exercise, meditation, guided meditation, gratitude diary, etc., "Heidi McBain, M.A., lmft, LPC, RPT, a marriage and family therapist, suggests. In the days or weeks leading up to the anniversary, being in the best mood will make you more excited when the day really comes. At the very least, it will give you emotional space to deal with the inevitable emotions better.

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5. Recognize your vulnerability

according to Dr. Sherry Cormier, a registered psychologist and certified bereavement trauma expert, an anniversary can rekindle feelings of vulnerability and sadness after the death of a loved one. " "Find the crux of these problems and find ways to solve them," she suggests. For example, you may have a special vulnerability to do something you once did with someone you love. Therefore, this day should be a day to avoid such activities. "Make a list or diary of things that may trigger or trouble you on this day - people you may not want to see, activities you don't want to do, or places you want to avoid.

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6. Set your intention

when you plan your anniversary, remember that the goal is not to create a perfect day. Unexpected weather, challenging conversations with someone who doesn't know what you're going through, or even a sudden headache, can make your day worse. Instead, whatever the outcome, try to focus on remembering the people you love, which is at the heart of your efforts. "

" it's also important to try not to 'survive' and drive automatically throughout the day, but to set your intentions and what you can do to contribute to the emotional presentation, "strate said. For example, maybe your goal is to serve. You can choose to spend time giving back to a cause that is important to the person you love on the anniversary. When you focus on your contribution to the day, no matter what external challenges it presents, you will feel a close connection with that person. "

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7. Seeking support, understanding and being able to feel cared for is an important part of celebrating the anniversary of a loved one's death. " "These people have to be people who make you feel safe on your worst days, they don't judge you, they don't try to fix your discomfort," stratt said. If you're not sure who to include, you may mention when you were in a bad mood and who brought you comfort. "If you seek professional help with grief, it can also help to make an appointment to see your therapist that day. It's important not only to have support around you, but also to ask these questions. Keisha M. wells, LPC and NCC have worked with sad clients. He said, "people will meet your needs directly." Usually, a sad person may expect or need support, but unfortunately, they will not. Don't think that others will remember anniversaries or know how to deal with them - sadness can be a complex and silent topic, "she explained. Keep your boundaries

take care of a part of yourself during this timeIt's about putting yourself and your need for personal or emotional space first. " "It looks like being particularly picky before taking part in an anniversary social event," stratt said. It may also help to decide who you want to talk to about the death of someone you love and how you will respond if you need to end the conversation or someone says something you are not interested in. " If you happen to meet someone who says or does something insensitive, please gently challenge their misunderstanding. " Once, on the anniversary of my husband's death, a woman said to me, "Oh, you did a great job. "I'm very impressed with your progress," Dr. komir said. This is written by someone who has no experience of loss. I smiled and said, "I'm trying to do well, but my sadness is always with me, especially on a day like today." Accept how you feel

accept that sadness can bring unexpected feelings. " I often hear people say it's hard for them to accept certain emotions that come with sadness. You may feel jealousy, anger, fear or even joy, and accepting these feelings can be a challenge. Emotions are not inherently bad or wrong. It's a great opportunity to use a variety of tools to calm down or express your feelings in a healthy way, but also to accept how they come about. " In particular, guilt can be an uncomfortable, unshakable emotion, said Kerry Phillips, who lost her husband when he died unexpectedly six years ago. Remember, sadness doesn't mean no laughter, no happiness, no happiness. We can still live in sorrow. Don't feel guilty about starting to return to the joy of life. You need to make the most of every moment to remember a lost spouse, friend or relative. " Credit: Twenty20. COM / @ rotundperfect

10. Finally, use this anniversary to continue to appreciate the positive impact this person has on your life. When everything fails, focus on the gifts you receive when you are with your partner. " Notice how you continue to benefit from this gift, even if the person is not there, "Dr. komir suggests. For example, when my father wrote poetry, I received an ongoing gift, even if he had passed, of the love he instilled in my poetry. On the anniversary of his death and father's day, I reread his poems and the poems of my favorite writers, "although your desire for that person's existence will never fade, the people you love will not affect your life.

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What do you think? Have you ever experienced the death of a loved one? How do you personally prepare for the day when your loved one dies? Share your experience in the comments!

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