if there is a choice, we certainly want to inspire our friends' physical confidence, rather than make them feel bad about their appearance. But sometimes what we say - no matter how well intentioned, seemingly neutral or self-directed - can really hurt the people we care most about. Instead of motivation, diet, fitness and body related conversations can become toxic. To make sure you don't bring your friends down without knowing it, here are nine ways to check yourself before you accidentally shame them.

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1. When it comes to your sense of fat, we may all have done it. When you don't feel good about yourself, you may say to your friends, "how fat do you think you are?" According to Karen R. Koenig, MD, a psychotherapist, these comments are really harmful to others. "Usually, lighter friends complain about fat in their thighs or abdomen, which is almost invisible or just normal," she said. It's a shame on people who are heavier. " Coach Alyssa Royce agreed that she was the owner of a gym that banned all body humiliation of words and images. "If they're older than you, you tell them they're fat," she said. Even if they don't, you tell them that fat is harmful, which may contribute to their existing problems with the body, food and body fat. Offering food and exercise advice is exciting, and it's understandable that you may want to share your new knowledge or experience with others. However, when you give people advice about eating or exercising that they don't want, you start to plant the seeds of doubt in the people around you, says Brittany Baxter, a certified body love coach. "What you're talking about - despite the goodwill - is that they're not doing well enough physically," she says. You also indirectly suggest that people around us are not healthy enough to believe in their own physical instincts. " Now listen to the following: why is America's obsession with "happiness" making us nervous? Kimberly hershenson, a psychologist in New York who specializes in eating disorders and body image, said guilt about certain foods can make others feel insecure about their food choices and bodies. Working with young women on body image issues, she said, the ongoing discussion or obsession with how much and what you eat fosters the idea that food is valuable, not just your body's fuel. " Even if you're just commenting on your own eating habits, such as "I can't believe I just ate that Cupcake!" -You have to ask yourself, you just ate a cupcake friend, since you said so, how would she feel. On the other hand, it's even worse to comment on what other people eat and to direct your views on food to other people's plates. " "Friends may think that they are identifying calories or fatty grams in someone's current or previous food, which is helping others," said Karen Koenig, a psychotherapist, but this behavior is not only rude, but also very humiliating. But you don't even need to say a word to make people uncomfortable. " If you find yourself staring at friends while they're eating, you may make them feel like they're doing something wrong, "says therapist Kimberly Hessen. It's best to put your eyes on your plate. Credit card: shironosov / iStock / gettyimages

5. Sometimes, if you express appreciation for your appearance and want to express a feeling, but don't know what to say, you may accidentally say something that doesn't count as praise. " For example, to say "you have a beautiful face" to a larger person is at best a compliment to the contrary, "said Stacey Rosenfeld, a psychologist and dietetic expert and doctor. But consider how it translates into the person you are talking to.

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6. "When talking about food and exercise, using the words" good "and" bad "

using the words" good "and" bad "can trigger guilt and shame in other people," says Brittany Baxter, a body love coach. "Pointing out how well we did this week will make people around us feel guilty and ashamed if they don't do as well as we do," she said. This indirectly tells people that if they don't behave the way you do, they are inherently "bad." Likewise, compassion for your "bad" is toxic, although many women use this language in particular as a way of combining, according to Baxter. "It only reinforces how bad, guilty and shameful this person is, and it reinforces their value only by how 'good' they are and how good they are," she said. Avoid activities because of your size, for example, telling your friends you can't go to the beach because you're not ready for a bikini, which is another way to laugh at yourself. It's going to shame other people. " "It sends a message to the people around us that they may be in a similar body or a larger body and that their body is not as good as it was," said body love coach Brittany Baxter. It's incredibly destructive because it means that you and anyone else, in this case, are not allowed to live and feel comfortable in the body you are in. "

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8. The first thing you might say to a friend (especially if you haven't seen him for a while) is, "you look great!" Or, if you notice a change in the person's body, you might even ask, "have you lost weight?" Looks innocent, doesn't it? But it may actually trigger. " "Although that's not what you meant, you just sent the implicit message that people's bodies are the most important to them," said Stephanie rose zoccatelli, a registered life coach. "Besides, you don't know how they lose weight. Did they make some extremely unsustainable diets? Are they sad? behindThe reason may be deeper than you realize. As a psychologist and dietetic expert [Angela grace, Ph.D.] ((www.heartcenteredconsulting. Com)) suggests, simply put, "nice to meet you!"

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9. Label other people's bodies

"when you say, 'oh my God, I can't believe she'll wear that kind of ass,' you tell everyone in your ear that only some bodies are worth the freedom and pride of fashion," says personal trainer Eliza Royce. Whenever you judge anyone's body, you fall into a larger culture of humiliation that affects almost everyone in the body. " In addition, giving someone the title of "fat friend" or even saying that you have a "Mom bode" can lead to the stereotype that "weakens our ability to express and express our most authentic and fulfilling self, and that" the goddess is sexy: enjoy a loving self image ", said EVA Myers, the author and female advocate of the book," this is a metaphor. Become the basis of popular TV programs, films and books. Let's put the knife aside and look for benefits in others. "

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so... What should you say? Instead of commenting on a friend's body, think about the myriad other things you can praise them for: their intelligence, sense of humor, kindness, reliability, professional ethics, compassion, etc. By acknowledging these characteristics, your friends will find that you care and appreciate more than the surface. Have a try!

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? How did you get humiliated? Why is physical humiliation so hurtful? How can you help your friends become more active? Share your thoughts and stories in the comments below!

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