Cheated? Here's how you really move forward

when your partner cheats, the world that you know seems to have changed dramatically. What you really think about your life - you're in a loving, loyal, monogamous relationship - is being questioned, making you question your partner, your partner, and yourself. But in this difficult situation, there is still a way to go, and there is also a chance to cure, learn and grow. Whether you choose to be together or break up, here are some things you can do after being cheated.

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1. Give yourself some space. To start the process, it is important to get rid of the cheater. Of course, it can be more difficult if you live together, get married or have children together. But you do need some space to deal with how you feel about the situation, even if it's only a day or two, says Anna gonowon, the break-up coach at "For example, people shouldn't text, email, phone, or send messages on Facebook to cheaters," she said. It also includes not communicating with friends, family or other women or men of cheating partners, she added. If you choose to break up, gonowon recommends not communicating with your ex boyfriend for 45 days, because it may take 21 to 66 days to form and break a habit, so her recommendation is the average of the two situations. Now listen to it:

why the obsession with "happiness" in the United States makes us feel completely stressed.

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2. Deal with your emotions. Breaking up coach Anna gonowin said: "dealing with the emotional devastation of being cheated is particularly important to be able to move forward." There are many benefits to talking to a psychiatrist, therapist, or counselor, even if [just] in a few sessions. " She said that under the guidance of an objective third party, careful thinking can give you a way to deal with relationships, deception and its consequences, as well as the behavior or personality of the deceiver (see article 5). If you don't like talking to professionals, she suggests that you use diaries or art therapy to express and deal with your feelings.

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3. Don't blame to assess what happened. Samantha Daniels, a romance expert, said: 'resist the urge to play the game of shirking responsibility, but look at the ways and reasons for cheating in a pragmatic way.' If your partner deceives you, don't blame yourself, she says, because cheating is wrong, whether your relationship is healthy or not. But sometimes both sides hurt the relationship. 'it's a great learning opportunity for you to understand if and how you've contributed so that it doesn't happen again,' Mr. Daniels said. Jackie viramontez, a love expert in Los Angeles and author of I can't believe I dated him, agrees, pointing out that blame can lead you into a cycle of anger, shame and sadness. "If you want to move on, you need to shift your focus from who's wrong to who you want to be and who you want to be with in the future," she said. In other words, replace "I blame you for the past" with "I choose you for the future". "

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4. Acknowledge the deeper wounds. Cheating is a big thing. Being betrayed by a partner can have a profound impact. " When someone cheats, they create a deeper level of fear, such as: "I'm going to die alone", "I'll never be really loved", "I can't trust" and so on, "said relationship expert Jackie Villamontes. While you can't control what your partner has done or said, you can control your continued belief in yourself and your values. " "Use betrayal as an opportunity to expose your fears and heal them so you don't take them to the future," she said. Talking to or keeping a journal with a therapist or trusted friend can help you tap into these ugly emotions and begin the healing process.

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5. Analyze cheaters. Samantha Daniels, a relationship expert, suggests objectively "dissecting" people who betray you so you can better understand who they are - good traits and weaknesses. " "It's easy to let people fall in love with it, but you'd better be able to recognize the negatives so you don't feel bad because you're not together anymore, so you can move on," she said. By analyzing your partner's behavior patterns and any changes they have experienced, you may be able to better understand their deceptive decisions. Heal your self-esteem. When someone cheats, it's normal to feel rejected, but it's also important to understand that your partner's choice has nothing to do with you. No, you may not always be the perfect partner in this relationship, but it shouldn't be an excuse for your partner to make a decision about being unfaithful to you. "

" if you take their choices seriously, you need to heal not only broken trust, but also broken self-esteem, "said relationship expert Jackie Villamontes. Repeating the mantra "their choice is about them, not me" will allow you to overcome betrayal with confidence intact.

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7. Find satisfaction elsewhere. Breaking up coach Anna gonowan said: "exercising yourself can really help you move forward." It's important to remember that there's life before cheating and there's life after cheating. She suggests two lists: the first should be activities and interests that make you feel energetic, happy and excited. The second list should be adventures over the next 12 months - courses you can take, goals you want to achieve, or places you want to go. Then start planning. " This usually helps people look forward to an interesting and exciting schedule and shifts their attention from the past to the future, "she said. Do good for others. A good way to fill your emotional tank with a good atmosphere is to volunteer or work for a valuable career. " "It's good to help others, it's good to be surrounded by people who are interested in making the world a better place," explained breaking up coach Anna gonovan.Banditry. " She explains how much it helps to find satisfaction outside the relationship. Whether you're walking your dog to a local animal shelter, distributing food in the soup kitchen, or signing up for a 5K fundraising event, you'll immediately feel a higher sense of purpose.

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9. Go back.

if you choose to leave this relationship, don't wait until you are fully recovered and then start dating. Give yourself some time to deal with it, but then go back. " "It's natural that when you're cheated, you don't feel good about yourself and don't know what's going on," Daniels said. A good way to fight "I'm not worth it" blues is to go out and meet other people and let them remind you that you are a great, interesting, intelligent, charming and good person. Accepting the challenge will help you move to the next great love of life.


What do you think? How can we get rid of an unfaithful partner? Should you stay with those who betray you? What is the hardest thing to overcome infidelity? Share your thoughts in the comments!

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